Friday, March 18, 200511:43 PM
It strange sometimes how our life get changed by the tiny insignificant things that we encounter in our everyday life. For me, today had been an enriching day. Y u may ask. Well firstly, i've decided to post something light hearted, instead of the usual crap on the melancholy and ironic-cold hard reality in ur face entries. Secondly, and most importantly, i've sorted out the cloud of doubt that has plagued me for the pervious months and had unmistakingly made my life living torment. All just for a simple word 'love' , i had broken free the chain taht binded me to my senses. I had done the impossible, conquering DB and even going to the extend of changing miself. Yet i have failed , and miserably at that. I had consulted others who in turn contributed their advices and yet i have turned a deaf ear to their good natured comments. Or rather, my skull was protected by too thick which was enforced by the work of the cupid arrow, making it a totally impossible feat to penetrate it.
For weeks, i have thought about it. About my first dance with her, about the tyme i tok to her online.... all the simple things which made my day and kept me zesty as a goat. And my tots drifted to her sitting and chatting with Yy, to her dancing with god knows who and then to the remarks that evon and rebecca made. Indeed love is blind- a stimulant drug, an hallucinogenic all in one. It numbs your senses and drains your being- and conjure up more images to deepen the already potent effect. Perhaps someday some smart alex may be able to exploit it for what it is. A necessity for essence of life; IN my opinion, no amount of money can tempt a man who truly loves. For he already has it all. A companion who would stand by his side in times of dismal, a woman who would appreciate applause and allocade with him in his finest glory. Power can only do as much as numb the need for love. Unparalleled is loneliness. As was said in the chinese serial, a person needs another to complete himself. There is no lone perfectness this i feel.
Yet regretteably, the concern with only looks and social status has killed off all but the most determined. I for one am a victim and also a sinner. Looking back one particular instant has became a region of growing regret and guilt for me. In my secondary years, being the arrogant garb( not to mention foolish and did i mention egolistic?) i rejected her downright in the face of our classmates. I am ashame to say that this particular incident i had previously dismissed as nothign more than pure entertainment, forgetting that i am not all that good looking at all. Years later, the tables turned this tyme, this incident recurred, and though i only vaguely recall it, I realised my unpolished and boorish ways are intolerable. i could have tell her nicely or tok to her after that, or even given her a chance. For this reason, i shun her presence whenever i catch sight of her- being the cowardly stupid jackass i am- i have not gathered enough courage to apologise.
What i wana say is that love is natural and mutal. One sided love are nothing but mere crushes. ( sori if i offended anyone) Only ur beloved will stand by u in harshest periods, and be concerned about your welfare. Only she will see u as what u are, not someone who she can mould into. Oni she will understand ur need to be surprised and sacrifice efforts to make u happy; for love is never one sided. And finally to all who read this and those who dun, i hope u find ur betta half in this vast world and define ur meaning of love. It will come naturally.
DEATHNOTE.
