Sunday, March 27, 200511:10 PM
Been feeling realli miserable for a fortnight now..... I've been unable to cope with the tremendous sense of loss than has clinged onto mi like an insufferable parasite. I've neva been able to understand why. I tot that it was friendship which had made me feeble and weak-minded. As such, i did an experiment. i isolated myself a few days and i realise that this wasnt it. It neva was. Such simple relationships couldnt simply be my bane. I derived from this that it had to be the urban hostile concrete enviroment of Sr. Strangely, i found my entire spirit liven up upon spotting a familiar figure. It was jL. i didnt noe why but at that instant, i decided to remain. Strange. Yet i stubbornly rejected her as an answer. For i hated her. Hated her for being her.... outgoing and gentle... I didnt understand why i hated her... they were the same reason i fel for her in the first place. The very same traits that i have admired and appreciated. It did not cross my mind that her presence was of any importance to mi at all. I hated her simply cos i tot she was using mi.. and my importance was of no more than the existance of her mere servant; an ignored wretched burden.. all that noeing that i will yield regardless to her bid and beck.... i knew i was stupid, but somehow from the moment i laid my eyes on her dancing with another fella, i have told miself that i have truly given up all hopes. To mi she was just that; so reachable yet so far....
Yet when she informed mi of her decision to pursue her education at Ny arts, i found miself at loss..... at that instance all the conclusions and decision i have derived vaporized without a trace.. i did not know what was i to do... all plans for the future were scrapped.... my determination to make sumthing of miself collapsed instantly... Still i did not know why.... Thus i rang kevin up and asked mi out.. anywhere would be good at the moment.. the sense of aloneness was overwhelming... i was vexed over seemingly nothing.... we watched 'Hitch' and walked to toa payoh so as to avoid the night charges.. On the way i poured out my problems to him... consulting him was a breeze.. the difficult was finding te answer. i told him i was damn bloody vexed over sumthing yet i did not know wat... i was uncertain what the future holds.. cos i had no hopes for it... Straight away he told me it was her..... i did not took it as it was.. i told him that it was not possible... i hated her... how important can she be if i hated her? Yet i siad all this half heartedly... For after all the way home, i found miself hoping secretely hoping that ny would col mi up and by the work of god told mi i was successfully accepted...
having find the answer, i have n0 regretts now.. i will extinguish this emotion... time heals all wounds i believe...but for now i just hopes that she be happy and remain as herself ; the very gal i have come to like.... and that she find happiness even though it may not be with mi, but i hope whoever the lucky person out there, he have betta treasure her....
DEATHNOTE.
