Wednesday, May 18, 200510:20 PM
Lately, i've been feeling darn bad.... i dunno y.. at least i didnt... i tot about it... i shall not talk about in a round about way then... i just miss.... miss pple... miss o5a1 pple.. missed the times we had.. bitter and sweet.... miss my secondary buddies... chee how, edwin and alfred with his arrogant demeanor. cant believe that i will come to miss them.. Perhaps this is just me.. afraid... afraid to let go.... afraid to acknowlege all that i noe... afraid to acknowledge love; friends, family and all....... i tot i was just feeling lazy when i started slacking or i just needed a rest to refresh my energy... but... it wasnt that... i tried resting. believe mi i locked all my anime away and took a long, long nap.. yet i just feel this sense of emptiness like i forgotten sumthing.. perhaps i have.... forgotten how to feel that is... i have grown fearful of my own feelings.. just as yoda have told anakin skywalker to be wary of his feelings.. experience is my yoda... and taught mi well it has... to believe and trust is to put ur neck on the line... yet it is wondeful thing i suppose.. say david... hes a changed person.... cause he believes... in others and himself.... haha suppose the being is kakashi. Yet i suppose i do trust pple i come to noe... tang, chee how, sweez and even eunice, crisp, vincent and all of 05a1 and the gang.... but how isit i can still bear tots of leaving a 'trumph card' for miself? haha u must tink im nuts... the other day i was suddenly a lot like vincent.. lost my marbles.. suddenly lost my marbles... rambling on about destroying all that u love so u dun have any emotion attachements... perhaps its not my fault... and perhaps it is... perhaps i just lack courage... perhaps i have untapped wisdom... so many 'perhaps'.... david asked mi whether my problem was taht i missed o5a1 too much... i didnt noe.... i was vexed and irk at the idea of being so dependable on others... to forsake all my individual principles just because of a group of pple.... pple who have moulded mi into what am..... but if i neva met them how would i be miself today.. but if i met them, isnt is more painful to miss them..? what do i want truly? i desire power... for i hope to be strong... yet i yearn sumthing which power destroys.. BUt For now I noe what i want... I just wana be me... to miss the pple who ahve came into my life... and to value them... rite now.. i may be foolish...but... i am just me...
DEATHNOTE.
