Sori for being a jerk. for those who dunno what im toking bout. then remain ignorant as it is bah. no point knowing anyway. its just.... i dunno. Guess u tend to look at the bigger picture after u go through stuff. and then u hear sumone tok like u did in the past. and frankly, i was quite agitated. i didnt know why. i kept restraining miself. it was kinda ugly. haha guess it was al becos i was jealous bah. jealous of the wonderful life others were leading whereby even the most tiny flaw can be magnified into the biggest mistake seen by 1. jealous of how the others seem to be able to just go on without getting worn out at the least. or rather not showing to be so. jealous becos.... i've felt i lost sumthing. jealous cos i knew i was inferior and have always pretended not to be so.... and jealous that i lack the arrogance demeanor that i was blessed/cursed wif. ONce. jealous that the others did not feel afraid as i did, afraid that the worst may come true even though u tried ur best. i noe this kind stink.N i noe tat whinning bout it isn gonna help. and it isnt my right to go whinning and losing my temper. tat it was a selfish and unjustifiable act to blame the others for my plight. Lookin back now. i c how stupid, naive, and ( bastardly as described by vinny.) ive been. i noe sensitivity is not bad. but to mi. it represent weakness. and pretendance. and overall sumthing i could do well without. i realise now that this is not so. tat i have a choice and responsibility. dumping my problems onto the burden of others does not solve it. it merely returns with interest. it manifest itself in anotehr form. R u not responsible for making those round u happi? No matter the costs? no matter the pain u endure? i believe i neva knew this answer. now i do....perhaps it acts in a cycle. mi, an individual does not exist. as according to vinnys entry. but in reality it does. what if its the individual purpose to help his fellowbeings find their purpose so that they may well help him find his? who can say that we all have a single purpose? then doesnt it go round and round? Neither has it been my forte to tink as well. to oppose the absolute. all im sayin is.... that sori for being the jerk tat i was. im sori. and tats that. i shouldnt have blew my head off just cos i was feelin down.
