after losing an entire week to maple... the nighmare didnt ended... and i foresee another 3 to dota...... and its been a long tyme since i blog. and read pples blog. everytime i come back, im amazed by how little i noe. and how much i pretend to not noe. problems i c. problems i do not c. and problems i choose not to c. wat probs u ask. well if i told u i wouldnt be avoiding them would i? and why would i aviod u ask. very well.ill just list out the reasons why.
1. being sensitive to others plight does not nesscary mean tat i can make a diff. 2. i do not noe enough for mi to be in others shoes. although i noe its tat damn difficult. 3. i had enogh tyme to clear my mind and i believe tat such matters are reserved to the owners alone. although no answers can be xpected... it does help to have a few soul to tok to. Alas. im not one of them. 4. due to sum external influences sum believed to be dota... ive grown insensitive and unable to comprehend the world beyond lothareon. 5. last and most important of all, i suk big time at comforting. wad were ya expecting? 6. not exactly a genius by nature.. so im stil comin up wif sumthing.
alas. excuses u could say. to me reasons i would reply. A person once told mi. tat wad i do is wrong. and i asked why. and the person replied. cos its u. the person may not remember but i do. and i understood why. any efforts to go beyond my role would be futile. its not tat im programmed to fail. but simply recognising the wisdom in the words. the more u do. the more the chances u have to screwed up. and screwed up u do. oni not urs. but another persons.
im do not tink im can atone for tat. i've done nasty stuff. and have been subjected to them to. i noe wads it like.the person who told mi meant it as a joke but i saw more than a joke. and what u do u do with utmost sincerity but what remains the fact is tat when u screw u amplify pples sufferin. what then? do u expect him or her to forgive u wif all his/her heart? i for one. would not appreciate tat. in the most basic principle. who would forgive another to prolong his suffering? it does not matter what motives the person had. good or bad. they mean nothing. not as long as they dun make a diff. and a positive 1 at that.
ingrate. realist. sum of the words u can use to describe what a person of my beliefs are. but can u deny that u do not feel the same tinge of anger at the same person for making ur life miserable if not more miserable than it had been? if u do not. congrats. u are a saint. but as i have said. im not. seem ti have side track.... but regardless i wish luk to all who may need it. suddenly i do feel like writing an aentire essay on good intentions.... crap.. guess i betta stop miself from mutating into vincent. signing off.....
