Been doin a lot of thinking this new year. cant said that i enjoyed miself truely even though i did get my share of ang pows, infact more than usual, and i did everything i would normally have done and felt good bout. weird. i feel.... burdened... sad... like im missing sumthing. and i dunno why the fish am i feelin this way.
Grannies health been on the decline that ive noe for years. even though i wasnt close to her, i couldnt stop but feel a tad of sadness when i glanced across the bedridden figure, too sick to even stand. technicaly she was oni my mums god mother, and by my principles, i shouldnt even have given a damn. but... it was still... sad to c her like this. especially in new year.
and listening to the adults toking, i felt worst. there i was chatting wif my cousin bout dota and suddenly i felt lifes a freakin drag. i didnt noe why. but suddenly it felt meaningless, everything felt meaningless. and a sudden phrase from my elder cousin kinda cut mi off. " life's lidat. sickeness and death are a part and parcel of life. u look at the pple round u die. and when all the ple round u die off, u noe its ur tyme to go.' that moment i went silent.
it struck mi hard how fragile life was. how short everything was. how fortunate i was. and unfortunate. how fortunate i was to noe pple. pple who i tryst. pple whom i can confide in without bluffing my way through. and most of al pple who made mi realise i can do stuff i neva tot my dignity allowed.
and how unfortunate i was. that at sum stages of life, we will be separated. and perhaps even forget bout each other existance..... how our lives became intertwined in fate. and yet ironically become separated by each individual.... and i tot bout how tragic it would be, to believe that at a moment u could lay ur life down for sumone, and yet in time, forget even bout his/her existance......
after the visit, went watchin geisha show which as expected was kidna dissapointing. (feedback from msn nicks) But i had te feelin that the reasons for disappointment were different are kinda diff for the gals and guys.... hahaha .. anyway, it still felt good lookin at zhang ziyi in a catfite wih gong li. and how gongli look the same for more than ten years. i meant she didnt even had a single more wrinkle. wth.....
and sumhow, despite the disappointing ending, despite how unbelievable it was, it still felt good. i still tink the movie was good, at least for mi. it kinda made mi realised that despite lal those crap we may face, there was always the element of unpredictability, that a mircale may occur, even though i neva believed in any.... that we may choose to believe that we will neva change the reason we live for and still get away with that native thought...
sumhow, this new year had been realli fruitful, even though it wasnt a particularly happi 1. it sorta gave mi more courage to face the road ahead. and yeah the money 2. and most of all, i dunno why, i even felt good losing to sweez in dota. hahaha i muz be gettin mad cos it was pure ownage. and yet i didnt mind. dun get mi wrong though, i did try my bext. its just that i didnt feel bad when i lost, anyway HAPPI NEW YEAR 2006 pple!!!!!!!!!
