read euny entry on her gramps and an incident suddenly kinda struck mi... I vaguely recall my cher tellin mi tat childhood was the mos fun part of a human life. when u come of age. ull understand why.
come to tink of it. i havent realli given too much of a damn( or even a damn) at all.... over decade of my life, ive come to take my life for granted and along wif it the pple whom i hold dear... everyday was all the same monotonous- goin skool and on weekends goin out..... and comin home to c parents who nag at mi to study, and grandpa who always be there wif my cup of tea ready.
wad if 1 day, 1 of them was gone?? wad would life b like? would it be like the other distant grandpa i had? just a funeral, and everything back to normal? No. life would neva be normal. Normal as i noe it anyway. i always tot human nature was evil no mater how u c it. i always tot pple who said they loved were nothing more than hypocrites.... especially when i have relatives who cried at the funeral and then the next day wanted to bet on my grandpas no. and fite over inheritance.
Now i c its a necessity. we can drown in sorrow for eva. its isnt the human nature. its just life. Simple life. nothing more. perhaps i just wana alleviate my guilt by sayin this.... but what would u do if u were them? cry foreva? or kill urself?? the whole pt of living was to live on for the sake of those u loved in the 1st place. whether they maybe alive or nt. and of cos urself.
and all these just part and parcel of growin up. the pain of knowledge. the burden u havce to carry. burden of knowing tat pple round u are prone to dead and sickness. pple u love. burden of knowin pple u trust backstab u like a choppin board. the knowledge of noeing pple u hate are often the most lyke u...... too much...ignorance is bliss they say. and it seems the founder of this phase was a damn smart alec realli......
and to be frank. im afraid. reali realli afraid..... im afraid ill be like them... get over the things i love when they are gone. afraid tat the tot of losin the pple close to mi becomin bearable. and most of all afraid i might lose the ones i hold endeared..... am i just a coward?? i dunno... but i do noe sumthing. i hate growin up.
